I am often asked about blocks, healing auras and why no amount of trying to deal with ongoing issues leads to a change in emotional state or circumstance. We can switch a few words there and turn blocks into denial for a start. Healing auras would become inner dialogue and ongoing issues would be patterns of behaviour. Spiritual Healing is not a state of mind, nor is it a state of past lives or higher states of being. To that end it can become a trap of self-focus and self-flagellation. That means that instead of healing, the result is one of ongoing guilt feelings and a constant focus on your own behaviours, rather than how to change them.

 If we move past these constants, and trust me they are constants, spiritual balm for a moment that doesn’t address real world problems which in turn can prevent inspirational living and cause you to become dispirited. Another word for dispirited is depressed. No matter how many readings you get, no matter how many years you go to a healer or therapist, you find yourself very close to the start line rather than just living and enjoying what you have. Life becomes about healing and that in itself becomes part of the pattern. I have long said, that if you start a program of healing your life, by the time you get into a year of that if you haven’t reached your goal, you have either missed the mark or your methods are not working for you. Don’t give up, just change what you are doing. If something you have done did work, do more of that, or focus on how much things improved because of it. The chances are good, that it is a single area that has not been acknowledged rather than everything.

One mistake is to focus on individual behaviours rather than the underlying cause of them. One of the other problems is self-diagnosis, that is to say, identifying with a group of feelings or behaviours then believing the cause for them as spiritual issues. A great example of this is the spiritualist most basic area of denial, that of the soulmate energy. The problem is that you are not taught to have better relationships, you are told that you can’t help the way things go because of prior life experiences, or worse, that as a twin flame relationship it is difficult to make things work. The pressure is off, and on you go trying to find that perfect relationship without acknowledging you are taking you, your attitudes and behaviours with you into any future.

Another common problem is expecting or hoping the world or others will change enough to create change in your own life. This rarely happens as it is rarely the problem, even a woman in an abusive relationship will find that change comes from leaving it, not waiting 40 years for him to get too old to bother any longer. Happiness isn’t something we get for hanging in there, it is a way of being, a way of living and every day we experience it, is a day we will be thankful for. I remember well, a girl coming to my office and being upset. She worked as a bar maid and found that she would meet guys, go out with them for a few weeks or a month and then they wouldn’t call her or want to continue a relationship. She felt used and was hurting. I suggested she think about what she wanted to give a guy who was offering her nothing. Perhaps she would be happier if she went out with men who were not already drunk or drinking in the pub where she worked. She was completely offended, and said (sort of shouted), “Are you telling me that I am the one that needs to change?” Of course I said yes. She stormed out and I didn’t see her for a couple of years.  People apologize to me in odd ways sometimes and in her case, she made friends with me on Facebook and tagged me in pictures of her new home, husband and family.  The photos started with her meeting him while she went into business training which she undertook to improve her life, and went on to the wedding and their first child.  The point here is, that if you can see a behaviour that isn’t serving you and you refuse to change it, then it is time to accept the consequences rather than bemoaning them. A point of healing isn’t always about changing. If you are still needing something from the lifestyle you are living or are not prepared to let go of someone who does you damage, the best form of healing is to simply accept it. Once your eyes are wide open, you will be able to see the difference between who you are, and what is going on. Sometimes the reason you can’t find a way to move into a new lifestyle is the total immersion in the one you have. That is the feeling that life and lovers reflect who you are, instead of the more appropriate, what you have been taught about living.

Under the behaviours are feelings and often a single feeling that leads to a multitude of behaviours, when you isolate the feeling or can recognize the feeling driving the behaviours, you are in a win win position. Now you can really achieve change as the methods for dealing with that feeling will be far more effective than trying to manage behaviours while the feeling still exists within you. It is this very reason that trying to get on top of depression or PTSD is an issue. Therapists tend to try and manage behaviours, without evicting the emotion causing it, so even after years of therapy, the most common thing I hear is, ‘I know why I have what I have, but I still have it.’

Mostly it will boil down to just one or two feelings, and if you can hypnotize or work your way past them cognitively and/or energetically life changes dramatically and quickly. The best all round is a combination of all three.

Question: Are the behaviours a result of..

  • Anger
  • Grief
  • Guilt
  • Fear

Just pick one, while others may come into play from time to time, sorting out the biggest influence may just deal with any others in there.

How do these translate into day to day life?

  • Anger = conflict, defensiveness, impatience (extreme), micromanaging, argumentative, volatile, resentment
  • Grief = self-pity, depression, uncooperative, closed, isolated,
  • Guilt = over empathizing, flashes of anger, challenging or feeling challenged, lying, defensive
  • Fear = obsessive behaviours, hoarding, withdrawal, refusal, disengagement, phobias

Let Me Tell you a Story

A mother brought her daughter for hypnosis. She was in trouble at school and at home, she was clearly angry, but her mum wanted me to hypnotize her to quit smoking. The three of us chatted for a while and I noticed that mum was at her wits end, dismissing anything her teen said but mentioning how angry her daughter was at her brother all the time.  I also noticed that much of the conversation had revolved around divorce, and her father having created a new family. Once the mother left the room, I asked this young girl about her dad, and her brother. She revealed that her father had a new baby and her younger brother went and stayed often, coming back and talking about what a good time he had.  She went on to say she just couldn’t stand it, so we had the core of her issue, and it wasn’t smoking. 

I asked her if she thought anger was a problem for her, and if it was maybe preventing her having a good relationship with her parents and teachers. I love teens because they are so honest, she immediately said yes, she thought it was a problem but didn’t know what to do about it. At this point I offered the suggestion, that instead of hypnotizing for quitting smoking, if we might do better for her, to hypnotize for anger. She liked the idea so off we went down that merry path with me hoping her mum wouldn’t be angry at me for not getting her to quit.

3-4 weeks later, her mum ran into me in the street, she was full of praise. She said, ‘I don’t know who that girl you sent back to me was, but she is completely different, she is getting by at school without causing any trouble, she is pleasant at home as well as stopping smoking. I am very impressed.’ The chances are good, that if I did hypnotize this young lady to quit smoking, it would not have worked, yet resolving her anger issues, did the trick on many levels.