Arguments don’t really come from the matter at hand, they come from a focus on one’s self and how you feel about the issue, When how you feel about the issue outweighs how you feel about another person or group of people the chances are you will have closed your ears to reason and any attempt at discussion will fly out the window. The power of words to build upon something or destroy it is staggering and totally under estimated. 

You don’t avoid arguments, rather you communicate in a way that makes the conflict surplus to requirements. So many people say they hate conflict, the words themselves are inflammatory and indicative of a level of anger.

Hearing what someone else needs to say, even if it is hurtful shows trust, which can be damaged by an unwillingness to do so. When the focus is on conflict rather than discussion or even mediation solutions get lost in the battle of willfulness or denial. Conflict is a failure of communication, not an outcome of it. Conflict rarely represents a true view or expression. more often it becomes a battering ram on the part of either or both parties in an attempt to avoid a more honest type of communication. In any conflict there is an aggressor and a defender, which role do you find yourself playing as a rule?

Conflict is a failure to communication, not an outcome of it.

One thing nearly everyone agrees on, is that when conflict arises the subject at hand tends to get lost in the heat of the moment, in social media we see, every day, those who dissolve without warning into name calling and belief bashing as a means to communicate their displeasure, while never really expressing what they want to see. It has become the norm to criticize and complain (usually with ample whining in various directions) rather than be solution seekers. It is easy to express displeasure but what are you displeased about exactly? Not winning? Not being heard?  If you want to be heard you need to learn how to communicate effectively, without rancour.

If you want to win you will always be angry as winning requires a loser and when you come up against a better communicator the chances are you will be that loser. Not because they had a better education or a better point, you only have to watch professional debates to see that isn’t the case, but because their words were worth listening to. They didn’t get frustrated because they might lose the moment, and they didn’t dissolve into personal attacks at the first sign of opposition. You see, opposition is not conflict unless you have to win. Opposition can be an opportunity to explore all avenues rather than limiting yourself to the possibility you alone were able to think of. In professional situations the effective communicator always succeeds.

Taking an idea and building on it is the cornerstone of any invention or advancement, it doesn’t have to negate the original idea, in fact it can’t if it is to be the foundation of a new structure. The ability of communication alone to be the difference between success and failure is underestimated by millions, and creates fortunes for millions more.The effectiveness of making even a small change in how you communicate has huge implications. The most popular products of our times are collaborations between individuals and companies that on the surface appear to compete. Phones, computers and  your favourite games or shows are all the result of communications between teams of individuals. How does it work, one group communicates it’s goal to another, and the role they see them playing in it. The second group responds by communicating how they can make that work. Great communication is mutually supportive at all times. Learn to effectively communicate with Dorothy for personal or professional reasons, it will change your life.