There is a huge difference to being in control and being controlling. The first determines that how one behaves and interacts with the world can alter outcomes, while the latter demands that others and indeed situations do their bidding or go their way.

There is a distinct lack of forgiveness when someone else is responsible for your quality of life and they let you down. The anger around others prioritizing themselves will seep into every part of life affecting attitudes and relationships. So how do you practice being in control without controlling others?

  • If you want it badly enough, do it for yourself
  • Be appreciative of anyone who helps you along the way
  • Say what you mean, mean what you say
  • If you are unhappy, seek out ways to lift your mood
  • As soon as you notice things are not going well, say something
  • Don’t avoid difficult situations or conversations
  • Make adult choices in food or drink
  • Accept self-discipline as a great way to get results you are aiming for
  • Learn to say no to others, and yourself where necessary
  • Empathize with others, be yourself
  • Forgive those who hurt you by prioritizing themselves
  • Learn to let go
  • Learn to move on
  • Think ahead
  • Remember who you are not who you have been
  • Know you can’t win all the time
  • Be gracious
  • Understand your motives
  • Be a willing accomplice in your own life goals

Thoughts of Self-discipline often brings with it a rolling of eyes and an intimation that it means restrictions, hardship or worse. Nothing could be further from the truth. If you want to achieve something you need to work toward it; that takes self-discipline. If you want to change a behaviour you need to stop or slow something down, this also takes self-discipline. The truth be known you exercise this super power most days and certainly most weeks. If you get up for work even when you don’t feel like it, you are exercising it. If you go to bed early as you need to get up early, you are exercising it. In fact anything you feel duty bound to do or try not to do, is you practicing it.

I had a woman who had been on many diets over a number of years (finally starting a weight loss hypnosis program) say to me, I just don’t have any will power. Really she had it in spades, she would diet, lose some weight and then go and put it on again. She lost weight, with every diet even if she didn’t stick to them. It takes a great deal of fortitude to start the umpteenth diet after reverting to previous behaviours, suffering a regimen selected and monitored by others.

Being in control is willingly making changes where they serve your ultimate goal, but first it is imperative that you understand what that goal really is. True control comes when you know what you want and the best way for you to achieve it.  

One thing for sure, if you feel you are;

  • Banging your head against a brick wall
  • Others just don’t get you
  • You are angry, resentful or frustrated
  • Disappointed
  • Nothing goes your way
  • Others cause your problems
  • Argue a lot
  • Wasting your time
  • Make others feel worse when you are around

And many more possibilities but you get the picture, then you are controlling or trying to control someone else. This is something we all do sometimes the problem arises when it is a constant thread in your life. If you aren’t getting your way in something, how can you work around that? How can you take charge in a situation where you aren’t going forward or achieving a goal? What attitude could you change to get better results and be happier within yourself? You might be surprised to find that the smallest changes make the biggest difference. When you deliberately take control of yourself it is easy to let go of life’s inconsistencies as you will teach yourself, there is always something you can do, say or think differently.