Be who you wish to be, not who you were taught to be

It is easy to believe that psychic development has to do with psychic skills, but the truth Is that these are innate in most humans and practiced in some form or other as intuitive response and flashes of foreknowledge. Any energetic practice will enhance psychic skills and if not narrowed down to visual, the right methodology will open you to all your inner understandings that evade conscious consideration.

As a spiritual warrior you don’t need to be taught how to be psychic, you already have those skills, which means you are choosing how to develop what you already have. Doing this efficiently is a matter of intention and direction. What do you want to achieve? If you know this you can find the most direct path to achieving your goals. I am a fan of get in, discover and get on with life incorporating your learning into every aspect that can benefit from it.

What it isn’t:

Psychic development isn’t a way to healing one’s life and doesn’t always include spiritual development or mindfulness. If the goal is to heal the past the programs and methods for doing this quickly tend to be regressive and apply to your experience, understanding of it (enlightenment) and how to overcome character altering diversity.

Methods would be hypnosis programs, Pathwork, regression therapies and meditations. There are a whole host of potentials that target attitude as in ‘eliminate negative thinking’ to releasing those who did damage ‘release past relationships’ releases are primary but personal development can and probably should include progressive therapies that initiate positive tendencies and habits.

Developing psychic abilities specifically is a beginning where the individual practices and does exercises to bring the conscious mind forward to focus on subtle energy information and to be able to shift forward and backward at will to pick up information. There is absolutely no need to develop this way, it can be slow and labourious, but worse it often erodes confidence, if not intending to read for others at some point. Your mind can always do this and have likely experienced flashes of awareness at various times in life. When developing skills you are exercising and instructing your brain to be aware of those things we typically ignore in favour of more superficial and provable information.

A common mistake is to undertake psychic programs and hope for personal gains and vice versa. The cheapest and fastest way to get where you are going is to know what your end goal is, set your cap at it, and commit to the process. There are times where both outcomes are sought. That is a person wants to develop personally and wants to become a psychic practitioner. Everything is just white noise until it isn't.

If this is the aim the best solution is expansion and energy techniques which include both. With each expansion and the understanding of energy one’s ability to read others and include visionary or other subtle field abilities increases steadily. There is no doubt that opening up and discovering self energetically also aids in fast tracking psychic ability and personal development as it is a journey of discovery that is shared with others as energy support or as a psychic reader.

Save Time: understand where one study benefits another

The same skills are used for both. Where aura reading may seem to be different to psychic abilities it is used even if the reader is unaware of using it. Being unaware makes it a bit random and often unreliable rather than on demand. On demand skills are only required for those who want to support others using their skills for insightful commentary and the ability to see what a person really needs, why and what they are likely to do. Overemphasis on psychic ability often doesn't provide the expansion to be a clear and concise reader. If personal experience and having fun is the aim, just do that!

Anyone engaging in fully opening chakras and practicing energy exchange and add visionary development will be able to perform with high standards in psychic arenas. If you can see aura, you can see any other subtle frequencies, it is that simple. There really isn't any such thing as a psychic journey, there is a spiritual journey, a personal journey, an energetic journey and a psychic experience that can be a result of both.

As one develops energetically there will be memories, moments, experiences and responses that come to the awareness, it is part of being more open, we don’t choose what we are open to, it will be the brutal truth or if personal growth isn’t desired (or ready for) the individual will halt all development. Even in Attunements students ‘halt’ development by not following through with the practices which continue expanding the initiatory experience (the attunement itself is not complete we take it as far as we can or want to).

Having an attunement then forgetting about it or not practicing will have benefit, but it is singular making it good for personal growth to kick through false beliefs and limitations but doesn’t push an individual to their full potential. When the experience is halted the indvidual can find their flashes of insight quite frustrating as the information leaves a sort of cliffhanger, but that doesn't mean a lack of skill it is a lack of skill development.

For personal growth that includes mindful awareness, Self actualization deals with truly knowing others and as such is valuable for practitioners but also helps bonding relationships and removing judgements through a lack of knowledge in why others do what they do. It teaches detachment but maintains caring. It has advantages for therapists who have past trauma that make it difficult to form healthy bonded relationships and is great for those who have a progressive approach to living life to the full.

Any journey of self discovery needs to include pleasurable pursuit and enjoyable expansion while addressing your inner needs. IF you do that, you will find it a satisfying and life enriching experience.

At the outset knowing what you want to achieve you can shorten and improve the experience of going from where you are to where you want to be. The way to do that is to look through programs in both areas of personal and spiritual development as well as psychic options to find what looks great for you. They may not meet your needs but allow you to explore yourself through potential rather than by taking cues from the past.

Meditation plays a number of creative roles in life. We naturally do it with a daydream and find inspiration from within the minds play. Effective meditative practices can help find and resolve issues through clearing the mind or undertake the role of brain training by changing what we do with our minds when things go wrong.

They can be healing or developmental, they can be isolating or they can be inclusive but whatever role meditation plays in your life it can help you find your way toward a nicer experience. In the did you know file, regular meditative practices improve sleep which in turn encourages you to feel happier and healthier in day to day life. They can also play an impromptu role in creativity.

Our daydreams are a release from the daily grind and boredom that sometimes visits, but they can be so much more. Many poets, artists and musicians find it difficult to explain where their ideas come from, but ideas themselves are dredged up from a barely recognizable place. The more often we visit this place of creativity the easier it becomes to live it in day to day life.

Meditation can be healing but isn't always the act of healing, by allowing the mind to wander with underlying intention we reveal our inner being to our conscious knowing.

Refusal is a state of fear believe it or not. Fear of failure, fear of responsibility, fear of rejection, fear of compromise and more. It is often seen when a person doesn't do something when they know it is the best or right thing for them to do in any situation or desire. We don't fight our own will power, we have it in spades, the problem lays in how we apply it. it takes a lot of will power to keep doing something when you know it is damaging you or your life.

How long have you engaged in a behaviour that doesn't reflect your inner vision for yourself or your future? We all have an ideal that is formed quite young. As a youngster you didn’t envision yourself being like your parents, fat, a gambler, smoker or any other thing that seemed to detract from you being the best version of you that you could imagine. In essence what we call a battle of wills is no such thing, it is a battle of visions; the one we had for ourselves when young and the one we have for ourselves now.

Cast your mind back to when you were young, what did you imagine your life would be like. As kids, we see a career perhaps. Most kids at some point mention what they want to be, a hairdresser, a mechanic a teacher or a fireman etc. What was in your mindscape for yourself? It is true that it usually changes as we grow, but it is an interesting piece of information nonetheless. In my case, the two overriding desires were to be a nurse and a teacher. While in the traditional sense I am neither, I do both. This means that the inner desire is met. Also as a child my mum had weight issues, I can remember looking for a fat stomach when I was a weedy 12 year old which means, in retrospect, I also had an expectation of being fat at some point.

These are just a couple of possibilities, but you may find that inner child is pretty darn disappointed, angry or more. That vision didn’t disappear because you grew up, and will fight for its moment to shine by constantly reminding you by thoughts and feelings, that you aren’t living up to your potential. If there is a behaviour that you engage in repeatedly or over a long period of time, your vision for yourself is ‘more of the same’. It is harder to come to terms with the disparity of a childhood vision and the distance between that and what you now expect for your future. This is where the ‘refusal’ comes in. As an example, as a child you may have disliked that your parents smoked and thought you never would, or you may have looked at a parents behaviour and promised yourself that you would never be like that, and voila, here you are doing exactly those things. You know that if you get help to or manage to change the behaviour, you will change your vision for your future, but you find yourself either not starting, not getting the help that you need or know will change things, or not maintaining a strategy that you, yourself decided on.

I had a client whose mother paid for her to have hypnotherapy to try and resolve her eating disorder, anorexia nervosa in her case. This young woman walked into my office, the first words out of her mouth? ‘I am not going to let you hypnotize me.” This may sound extreme as you look at her dire circumstance but any time you are not doing what you need to do to improve your health, wellness, happiness or relationships, you are refusing.

The trick is to find the obstacle. On the surface you want it, that child’s voice is in your ear every time you eat too much, spend too much, get angry for no good reason and so on. Why the child’s voice? Because it is that child who still hopes you will get your act together, it is that child who knows you can. It is a great practice to take a moment and instead of trying to put that child to the back of your mind, to let it have full reign for just long enough to get the message and reset your path. Knowing what stops you is key, to gaining a foothold on a better future. The Three Gates allows you to see what blocks you, why and what to do to get past them. What stops me, what is blocking me are probably the most common question I am asked. Only you can find it, and the best way is to take your rational or habitual mind out of the equation for a time and let your inner child have its moment to shine.

0,Three Gates

Probably the most important question I would ask is, ‘Do you really want to move past addiction no matter what it is?’

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Addiction isn't the battle, it is an indication of giving up on something

With cigarette smoking posing the biggest block to success of all hypnosis. It is common that the client wants you to stop them smoking, rather than they want to stop smoking. It is no small distinction to be sure. The problem is eliminated when phobias, anxiety and other areas are being addressed, the success rates of these types of hypnosis are pretty close to 100%. I have long attributed this to sincere desire. They really don't want to be scared of hopping on a plane or freaked out by that chihuahua, the desire for change is in place, and all they are seeking is the best, safest and fastest way to achieve it.

To prepare for addiction cessation it is important not to focus on what you can't have, this is equally sound advice for dieters. We all seem to have an immature button when told what we can't have when we are adults. 'You can't tell me what to do' kicks in and we enter rebellion mode. The problem is, the desire for changing something comes from you, no one else so you are rebelling against your own desires. Both tiring and frustrating! The best way to begin, isn't to tackle behaviours, just stay exactly as you are for now, while holding a thought on how you see your future, how it can be better, how you can be happier and most importantly, what you envision as a lifestyle. I have lost count of how many dieters and smokers who have visibly relaxed when I told them they didn't have to change anything right now. In these instances anxiety is a major issue, so it is best if it is dealt with directly. What causes that anxiety? Where did it come from? What past experience or current belief is in play?

When you are committed to a life change, hypnosis makes it easier and quite likely more permanent. It can certainly address the question of withdrawals, and how you feel post cessation. I would add that it is beneficial to understand your own problem and the likely problems in changing your lifestyle so these can be addressed. For some people this means more than one session, but it is worth the extra effort. It is interesting to note, that when seeking to stop using medications, the success rate is pretty high, around 96%, when it comes to recreational drugs or alcohol it slips down to about 80%. This also indicates intention and the desire for the outcome. When it comes to cigarettes often clients come with them still in their vehicle. I will ask, and if they have them I always suggest that they wait and think seriously about what they want to do.

As an example if you have a habit and it is in some way connected to trauma in the past, your likelihood of success is greatly improved by addressing that trauma. In one case I hypnotized a girl for anger, though she was looking to quit smoking at the time. She didn’t need another hypnosis for the smoking as she stopped by herself about 3 weeks after the initial hypnosis. In her consultation she had spoken about events in her life and that she was struggling with anger and often getting into arguments. I asked her whether she thought anger or smoking were doing her more harm right now. Her response was instant, anger was causing her more concern. As she stopped smoking by herself so soon after her session, it is clear that the smoking was linked to the anger. Understanding yourself allows for clear direction and a strategy. There may be a need for a second hypnosis to help with behaviours, but it isn’t always the case.

Many times now I have heard clients talk about their 'addictive personality'. The truth is, there isn't any such thing, it is a bit of gobbledy gook by some therapists disinterested in getting to the link between a behaviour and a life experience. If you had parents addicted to anything, talking about being addicted to anything (please note mum's and dad's constantly on about coffee addiction), you are more likely to become addicted to something. The key here is, it isn't your own personality but rather a conditioning, one of the easier things to deal with. If an addiction is a way of avoiding pain, memory or something else deeply affecting you, it takes a bit more focus and work but the results are always worth it. Think about what your inner desire is, how you want your life to go, how you want your finances to look, and then think about what you can do to get there.

You think about it often, stopping something, starting something or doing things differently. It all seems great for a moment and then poof, the thought or motivation just disappears into thin air. When you want something badly and just can’t seem to put yourself in a position to get it or one we all recognize, you are telling yourself not to do something while you are doing it. (The fridge late in the evening comes to mind).

You see or listen to someone’s inspiring message, you pay to go to a Tony Robbins seminar, or someone else’s. You listen to motivation recordings or watch endless Ted talks on how to be motivate, rich or happy but as soon as the show is over, you find your newly found verve just seems to slip away into nowhere.

The main thing that stymies us is not understanding that part of ourselves that prevents change.  Research has shown a few things about this, we don’t seem (at any age) to be able to imagine things being radically different from how they are today based on how we feel about things. Regardless of experiences that show we actually do change what we like or dislike, for some reason we are inherently unable to see that change going forward.  For example it is hard, if not impossible, for people of all ages to imagine they will like something they dislike today, or vice versa. Even if it has happened for them in the past, they are disconnected from the possibility in the future.

This extends to reward believe it or not. In hypnosis (especially progressive hypnosis) I always add include the component of the future, seeing it, feeling it and connecting it to yourself today.  This is necessary because we genuinely have a problem relating to our future self in a realistic way. Hal Hirshfield undertook a study using FMRI scans and found that the neural patterns seen when they described themselves 10 years in the future were markedly different from those seen when they described their current selves (but similar to those seen when they talked about actors).

Motivational speakers, financial gurus and spiritual advisors have all, for years, been telling you that if you want something, see yourself in it, with it, enjoying it or using it.  The reason for this is an understanding of this change prevention that goes on, what they tend to miss, is that most using these ideas, imagine themselves right here, right now. That moves into the zone of smaller manifestations. For example if you were to imagine you achieved something that would take a few years to effect or complete, you will in fact not look quite the same. You may do your hair differently, dress differently and like different things, gained or lost a few pounds, married or become single. So many factors that are unknown make it a bit tricky to imagine just what your life might look like, which also makes it hard to imagine what rewards will look like when you put something into motion today.

Part of Hal’s study showed that there were people who could envision themselves older, say 20 years older. They found these people planned for their future well and allocated a certain amount of resources for that older self. The many that did not do that, could only work toward short term or immediate goals. This is what stymies you when it comes to changing habits. Learning to see yourself or more importantly feel connected to the person you are going to be well into the future, will help you with follow through. How can you quit smoking if you can only see the short term issue of withdrawal? How can you change eating strategies when you can’t imagine being happy in your future? How can you heal physical or emotional trauma if you can’t imagine what your life will be like without them?  To this end Hal’s team showed those who couldn’t envision themselves in 20 years’ time aged CGI photos of themselves then repeated the testing and found that they had much better results. In follow ups these people had managed to make significant changes to behaviours that had previously prevented them from getting ahead. Some had moved into therapy and others had employed hypnosis while still more went on to create an ongoing strategy that included their old age and not just today, tomorrow or next week.

They key to doing what you want is to be able to plan for the change you are seeking, being happy, less anxious. It starts with I would like... and ends with a strategy to bring that about.

https://dorothyholder.com/hypnotherapy-downloads/

Hypnosis is not a mind control mechanism, in fact that couldn't be further from the truth. By using certain words and symbols, blockers and triggers help you to cut through a belief that holds you back, conversely they can push you forward in areas of development easily and quickly. I see it as a team effort and with a 96% success rate in my practice, taking the time to consult properly and individualizing any script is key to bringing an individual into active participation.

While it may be a lovely way to create changes, essentially you lay down, relax and rest during the process, it is also speedy. If you have never been hypnotized before you may need to listen to a recording a few times to relax and drop down into a deep trance. All live sessions take 1 1/2 hours, with about 30 minutes being the time for consultation, working out where the problem areas are and finding the best style of hypnosis to ensure success. Recordings don't give the luxury of either a consultation or re-framing verbal cues, so it is okay to listen a few times for most hypnotherapy downloads. 30 minutes, relax = result. Anxiety, sleeplessness, smoking cessation and much more can be addressed successfully with minimal effort.

How do you make sure you will have success? Firstly be clear about what the problem is, I have a few weight loss  downloads, one for overeating, one for motivation and eating, as well as the 21 day hypnodiet for those who have had a long term problem and will, no doubt, have emotional and confidence issues related to personal image and weight loss. Take the time to think about the best or closest hypnosis strategy, and if you need to listen to a couple of different recordings to cover all the bases then do so. (these are cheap enough to make that an easy option) In live sessions I provide one off solutions, but there are times when a program is required so that each session addresses specific issues, while all the time heading toward the prime goal. The biggest advantage with Hypnotherapy is that there is a beginning, and an end to the healing schedule. Secondarily the results increase or set more firmly over time, so the end of the program or sessions, is the beginning of change which occurs naturally over time, without more effort. 

Dorothy's Hypnotherapy Downloads

It is noticeable that more and more people are struggling with letting go of past relationships, possibly due to the 50/50 nature of commitment these days. Release Past Relationships can quickly get you back on track and focused on positive future relationships. If you find yourself attaching again and again or holding feelings for someone fairly remote in your life (IE Facebook friend or distant someone) you might want to look at Change Habits as this hypnosis addresses habits that don't serve you. You could also do both, or look through the recordings to find a grouping of downloads that essentially creates your own program. The key to success here is the order in which you do the sessions, and also making sure you have a few days to a week between a change in hypnosis. No longer than a week gives optimum results, but if listening to the same hypnosis more than once, then listen daily until you don't feel a need or want to switch to the next hypnosis. 

If you feel blocked in any area of your life, Three Gates gives a glimpse into, and a way past what holds you back. It is fairly common to not be consciously aware of what the block is, which makes this a powerful hypnosis for tortured souls and those who have not worked out core issues that can project out from a distant past. When you find yourself asking why you do certain things time and time again, or feel you our in a pattern of behaviour that you are powerless to control, this will help you get through. It is an hypnosis that you can repeatedly use for different areas of your life, and at different times, even years into the future if you have discovered an unknown energy that seems to prevent you advancing through life. As a revealing session, it has the power to really change your life in fundamental ways. Sometimes just finding the motivation can be pivotal in turning your life around, even in weight loss motivation can be a real problem and may offer a greater degree of success than dieting or weight loss hypnosis.

If you are unsure or want to have a deep change program or single session therapy, live sessions can be in person or via skype, but if you want to take the download route, you just need to be sure you are grabbing the right series, contact me if you want to discuss the best options related to that based on your needs and you will be successful. energytherapies@dorothyholder.com. Give hypnosis a go, it is an amazing tool to have in your armoury, and let's not forget there are other wonderful effects for many, better sleep, less anxiety and for a few snoring dissipates which indicates it may be an anxious thing for some. Relax your way to a happier more balanced life.

Only those things in your realm of focus are available as opportunities or distractions. The law of attraction provides opportunistic moments in time, rather than synchronistic periods. What you focus on gets all your attention to the exclusion of all else, trying to get the attention of someone fixated on their own stuff is a pointless exercise. Conversely being too specific about the things you want limits what is available to you. It is always worth remembering the law of attraction doesn't speak to good things, but to anything your attitude, belief and vision ascribe to.

It is a common mistake to think the law of attraction provides some magical formula for getting something, it is a bit like expecting god to provide you with anything you want, while you sit on the couch doing nothing but thinking about what you want. We do have a name for this, entitlement. Specifically the law of attraction provides opportunities in relation to your envisioning for yourself, this is largely rooted in what you believe you can have, not what you want. Doing some inner work is a valuable tool in discovering what prevents success in any area. For example if you are dreaming of being rich, but don't know how to manage money, then you don't understand value. Primarily all money consciousness is about value. Finding the core energy of anything will lead to being able to turn anything around, while bouncing around the surface issues will leaving you chasing answers, possibly for years, that just seem to elude you.

Art Journaling can reveal inner truths that can change your energy and expectations. We have all heard of and maybe even created a vision board, Journaling is a huge step beyond the superficial wants expressed on a board. With a vision board, the tendency is to place what you want, which for a worker who knows their abilities will be vastly different from a financially desperate person. The main difference is that the former places on their board what they are capable of, the latter places a wish board rather than a vision board in place, I have seen a persons board where the centre and largest image was lotto balls. They didn't understand when I mentioned that this particular board, was a board of chance and life itself would become a gamble, it is to be noted that this woman trips from experience to experience and to this day has no real life successes.

Other ways to improve your chances of developing a great LOA strategy is to use hypnosis. This provides you with a tool that digs in under what you THINK is the issue or block, or gets to the core if you have no idea to bring it forward and evict it. Easily, simply and peacefully. Meditations is often touted as a good tool for this type of work but there is a downside, what you think comes in to play for meditations, it takes practice and experience to meditate beyond your thoughts, it takes some years to be able to sit in a state where a truth can well up into consciousness. Doing so requires objectivity and a willingness to accept whatever comes up, hypnosis cuts through that level of rationality speeding up the process of becoming more in sync with the universe itself.

Get up and going quickly by charging in where fear has held you back to ascertain your fundamental belief, blocks or attitude that doesn't serve you so you can get on with the job of recognizing opportunities and developing a life strategy based on them.

I Am more sensitive also around what kind of people are around me whether kids adults in mall I don't like bring around negative energies can feel it more then before With all the hypnosis and effects I feel and have questions of my new life which am getting used to slowly people seem so weird to me now like half of them are wasting there lives with anger~ Palavi. (Four Releases Program)

It is true that so many people are not just angry when bad things happen but angry much of the time finding reasons, indeed any reason, to maintain that anger. Angry people want others to be angry, for some this is occasional they get mad at the hubby, wife or friend, and they try to wind up a friend wanting them to be angry with them, simply because that is how anger works it, like misery, needs company. For those who are often angry or maintain a ready to go resentment or low level anger, they will go quite a long way to engage with other angry people or will deliberately undertake actions that upset others, they will gossip, they will tell one person what another said about them to incite a level of anger. I often hear from psychologists that it is a power seeking behaviour, my opinion is it is the behaviour of an angry person wanting to connect with others. We all look for connections, it can come from love, vision, creativity, inspiration (the muse relationship), but it can also come from anger, depression, substance.

When you don't recognize anger in others, it is because you are angry too, when others say someone is an angry person, and you are surprised or adamant they are not, chances are you are an angry person.... regular arguments or fights with friends, co workers or acquaintances, relationship breakdowns and spats, all indicate anger on your part.  If you are fortunate enough to have basically happy people around you they will drift away when they feel it is just unpleasant, the angry ones will stay for the long haul. not because they are accepting of you or your woes but because they want to fight.  

When working with couples in strife it is obvious that unresolved anger issues are always a part of the problem. Regardless of what set these feelings in motion, to often I hear, "I am not an angry person ". At which point I will then agree and suggest that resentment can cause problems in that persons life, Lo and behold there will be agreement. We have many terms for anger, over a period of time for some reason we have come to believe that these ongoing feelings are not actually anger. This is a mystery to me, along with the idea that long held anger is justifiable where short term angers are not. I know for one thing that I would rather have someone get something off their chest in a meaningful and appropriate way than be subjected to moods that go on for days or even weeks, it also has to be said that the person who holds grudges is usually on a simmer for years over slights and damage done in their past, this acting as a foundation and reason for every single moment of dissension in their present and future.

Attitude is the single biggest factor in fights, ask yourself about your attitude to problems, when someone comes to you reasonably and mentions an issue what is your attitude, do you try to shut them down? Do you get critical of them? Do you find insults or passive aggressive comments an acceptable start to a discussion when your own behaviours are under scrutiny? Do you wait for things to go wrong or do you look for ways to make things better? Do you ever look at yourself in the equation?

There is no doubt that if you harp on another persons past mistakes when they bring up a current issue, rather than focusing on the issue, you will cause conflict not be a victim of it. Lets have a wee look at the difference between confrontation and conflict. Confrontation is the word often thrown around to describe conflict, but it is an unwillingness to confront issues that leads to conflict. An unwillingness to have difficult or uncomfortable conversations that do take some level of courage and responsibility. I put it to you that you rarely, if ever, need to go into conflict. If you are willing to explore issues as a couple or team with an eye on solutions, you immediately take the focus off the the person bringing it to your awareness, preventing it from becoming a source of conflict, but rather it becomes a foundation for an exercise in caring, loving or sharing.

Building relationships is not an overnight miracle, love or a surging of feelings may feel that way but a relationship needs structure, solid foundations as well as feelings to succeed. For that both parties need to be willing to accept responsibility for their own feelings and their own behaviours, it is not right to throw anger from your past at your partner or workmates, it is not right to engage in relationships and then say you have trust issues, all you are doing is expressing anger at its various levels. Even depression is anger, while it is self oriented it does a lot of damage to those who live around it, parents damage children not just partners with angry emotional outbursts. Frustration is anger, it is anger at having met a brick wall or not getting your way.  Blaming is anger, it is anger without responsibility always directed at anyone that does not enable or support you in the way you expect.

It is now known that those who live a low level and ongoing anger (negativity) actually bring others around them down, interestingly angry people are drawn to positive people or upbeat people, this indicates that they are perhaps seeking to be more positive or happier in their life. If this is you then you have given yourself the job of lifting your game and dealing with the issues that you carry rather than expecting others to play roles in your life that meet your expectations for your life. If you have a genuine caring for another there is no reason you would not want happiness, health and well-being for them.

If you want to share time , business or your life with another perhaps the ultimate gift you have to offer is to deliberately change those aspects of your character that bring your own issues with you and then place the responsibility for them on another. It is easy to identify if you are the one being angry by looking at the external factors, do your friends tend to be angry or unpopular, get into regular arguments or deliberately post angry messages on social media. If a large number of your friends have substance abuse issues or constantly criticize others, blame society or individuals past and present for their angers, it may be time to look at your self and decide if you want to have a different type of lifestyle.

prescription for misery:::: are you in here?

 

Never say you’re sorry. Psychological research and theological writings have shown that relationships are enriched by the processes of forgiveness and reconciliation (Worthington, 2001, 2006). The 10th Step of Alcoholics Anonymous reads, “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” This step has been described as “relationship glue” for those who are living a life of intentionality. In contrast, one of the best ways to ruin a relationship is to never admit when we are wrong. We can hurt others through acts of commission (things we have done that we should not have done) as well as acts of omission (things we have not done that otherwise could have helped someone). Rather than focusing on the things you have done that have hurt someone, or the things you have not done that otherwise could have helped someone, consider making a list of all the things that someone has done to hurt you. Think about what you would like for the other person to do to make amends to you—and then just keep waiting. Sooner or later, you are bound to feel miserable. In order to create unhappiness in your life, be sure to never apologize when you have hurt or offended someone. Even better, blame the person whom you have offended.

 

Prescription for misery: To make yourself miserable, don’t ever say you’re sorry or admit that you were wrong.

 

Blame others for the problems in your life. Psychological research has shown that people who avoid accepting responsibility for their behavior are more likely to achieve less than those who readily accept responsibility (Sternberg, 1996). Rather than looking at your own contribution to situations that turn out badly, focus more on shifting responsibility to the other person. When things go wrong, notice what the other person said or did to cause them to go wrong. Develop a sense of externalization, which means placing the blame on something outside yourself. Even better, place the blame on someone else, while avoiding responsibility for your own actions. Develop the psychology of victimology, which means taking on the role of victim in the blame game. If others do not play the game, then blame them also. Whatever your strategy, just be sure to criticize others while justifying yourself.

 

Prescription for misery: To make yourself miserable, blame others for your problems.

 

Take what you want from others. Psychological research has shown that people who are unhappy are also more selfish, and people who are selfish are also unhappier than others. People often feel worse when they spend more time thinking about their own problems, rather than focusing on helping others with their problems. There is a strong correlation between health, happiness, well-being, and compassion (Posta, 2005). Therefore, in order to make yourself miserable, spend less time caring about other people. For example, the next time you dine at a fine restaurant, leave a small tip. Even better, get someone else to pay. In addition to holding on to what is yours, cultivate both sides of the attitude of greed, including envy (the resentful desire to have what others have) and jealousy (the resentful desire to exclusively possess something or the fear of losing what you have). In this sense, envy involves two people whereas jealousy involves three, so take the easiest path to misery and be envious of others. For example, rather than giving your time by volunteering at a homeless shelter, take a tour of luxury homes and notice your feelings of envy. When you see something you like, think of ways to acquire it so that you will have more than others. Rather than giving to others, expect others to be giving to you. When you don’t get what you want, take it.

 

Prescription for misery: To make yourself miserable, take what you want from others, while giving nothing in return.

 

Hold grudges and never forgive others. The benefits of practicing forgiveness have been studied from a psychological perspective for many years (Smedes, 1984; Enright et al., 1991; Freedman & Enright, 1996). Forgiveness can be defined as the process by which we let go of negative emotions such as anger and resentment. Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting, denying, suppressing, condoning, excusing, pardoning, or reconciling. It is possible to forgive without reconciling, but it is impossible to reconcile without forgiving. On the other hand, resentment can be defined as the process by which we hold on to negative emotions such as anger. Resentment is like setting yourself on fire in the hope that the smoke will bother the other person. The key to harboring resentments is to hold on to the anger and other negative emotions that are associated with being hurt or wronged by someone. There is usually an emotional payoff in holding on to resentment; we get something out of it. Resentment ties us to the problem--and binds us to the person--through anger. This form of emotional blackmail gives us a sense of self-justification and leverage against the other person. For example, rather than taking the initiative to reconcile a small rift with a friend, spend more time obsessing about what the other person should do. Don’t reserve grudges and resentments for the big things in life, but learn to harbor resentments for the little things as well. For example, rather than calling a friend, become angry while waiting for your friend to call you.

 

Prescription for misery: To make yourself miserable, hold on to resentments and never forgive.

 

Hold on to anger and resentment. Psychological research has shown that people who are angry are more likely to be miserable and they are also more likely to die early. Sustained hostility with angry outbursts contributes more strongly to death from heart disease than other well-known risk factors, including smoking, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol (Finney, Stoney, & Engebretson, 2002; Suarez, Lewis, & Kuhn, 2002; Williams, Haney, Lee, King, & Blumenthal, 1980). Scientific investigators have found that the ability of the heart to pump blood efficiently though the body dropped significantly during anger but not during stress or exercise (Ironson, et al., 1992). Anger also affects people without heart disease. Medical students who were often angry were seven times more likely to die by the age of 50 than students in the same class who had lower levels of hostility (Williams, et al., 1980). To make yourself miserable, maintain a seething sense of resentments in your life. Get into more arguments by making accusatory indictments toward others. For example, begin your statements with “you” and use an angry tone. Take no responsibility for your own emotions, but blame your emotions on others. For example, use statements like, “You make me mad.” Engage in absolutistic thinking, which means equating your thoughts with reality (e.g., “If I think so, then it’s so”), because this type of thinking leads to rigidity, inflexibility, and lack of emotional and behavioral freedom. Remember, it is better to be right than to be happy. Engage in emotional reasoning, which means equating a feeling with reality, because this type of thinking will produce negative emotions. Engage in emotional stockpiling, which means keeping a mental list of ways that others have offended you. When arguing with others, don’t stick to the issues, but bring up the past by using your list of resentments.

 

Prescription for misery: To make yourself miserable, hold on to negative emotions such as anger and resentment.

 

Develop a sense of hopelessness. Psychological research has shown that hope is one of the most important variables in creating positive changes in one’s life (Hanna, 2002; Peterson & Seligman, 2004). Hope can be defined as a belief in a positive outcome related to the events or circumstances in one’s life. Hope is not the same as wishing, longing, desiring, or yearning. It is the unseen evidence of a brighter day, no matter how dark one’s present day may be. It is the realistic expectation of a positive outcome, regardless of how dire one’s present circumstances may seem. On the other hand, hopelessness is one of the most significant psychological risk factors associated with suicide (Beck, Brown, Berchick, Stewart, & Steer, 1990; Bongar, 2002). An attitude of hopelessness is usually associated with greater misery in life. Although there is nothing certain in life except taxes and death, focus on taxes and death if you want to make yourself miserable. Develop the self-fulfilling prophecy that nothing good will ever happen in your life.

 

Prescription for misery: To make yourself miserable, develop a sense of hopelessness about the future.

 

Live a more meaningless life. In Man’s Search for Meaning, expanded from its original title, From Death-Camp To Existentialism, Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl wrote, “Suffering ceases to be suffering in some way in the moment that it finds a meaning” (1969, p. 179). Half a century after Frankl had written his monumental book, researchers have observed that people who are happy tend to have a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives (Peterson & Seligman, 2004). Therefore, to be as miserable as possible, it is important to live a life without purpose or meaning. Live without higher values or, if you have values at all, be sure to violate them as much as possible. In other words, live in the basement of life, rather than on its highest plane. Rather than living on the basis of principles, live on the basis of nothing at all. Even better, live only for yourself. Rather than actively participating in the world, spend more time passively watching the world go by. For example, spend more time watching television or listening to the evening news.

 

Prescription for misery: To make yourself miserable, strive to live without purpose or meaning.

 

a final note from me

 

perhaps you could write yourself a new prescription for life, if you hit more than one of the markers above you would benefit from determining life is valuable enough for you to put some effort in instead of expecting others to do that for you....Healing is not really about forgiveness it is about accepting what life has thrown at you, learn from it if you can, and then live in the present knowing you survived.