Devloping a strong relationship is natural for many but there are sometimes problems that show up after a commitment to a future that create doubts and erode the foundations before a couple have enough experience with each other to be both assertive and creative in their ability to communicate well. Early stage guidance is mostly communication based but sometimes as a couple get to know each other past trauma and insecurities come into play, addressing them early will ensure that the love and caring energies rather than the self doubt are the energies in play. Think of it as a built in weakness waiting for a period of difficulty at some time in the future to insert itself and undermine achievements, bonding and trust.
When problems arise it is time to work out where they come from. In many cases it is as simple as learning to communicate effectively which can be a very quick fix for many relationship issues. Learning to listen is part of effective communication and being able to discern how to manage a completely different personality that has dreams, desires, hurts and insecurities just as you do.
Dorothy works one on one with either or both partners in the relationship but does not work with them together. Too often relationship therapies become mediation which is an end game process which has been born out by many couples ending their relationship within a year of ending the counselling sessions.
Working toward solutions works easiest at the earlier stages when either partner recognizes they have hit a status quo that isn't going to improve and may deteriorate both trust and bonding in the relationship. The problems can range from perspective to responses that aren't clear, to expressing displeasure rather than being creative in problem solving and last but not least, the desire to make life what you envision it should be.
Once a couple take up a position of opposition in one or more areas of life it can stay that way to the point of argument and even advance to the point that resistence and opposition hold a place so close to the surface that both parties avoid issues. This can represent that one or both can't see a solution, this is what becomes irreconcilable differences over time.
One or both may develop defensive strategies that prevent discussions being solution oriented and becoming repeated problem focus. When problem sensitivity becomes a habit it sits just under the surface and the discord or displeasure can affect other areas that aren't really in conflict but become weaponized through the need to assert one's position.
When a couple wants to improve their bonding, revive a flagging relationship and resolve issues Dorothy advises both separately and they get to take their new nderstanding of themselves and their partner back into the relationship. There have been couples happily moving past thoughts of separation, anger issues, and bonding deeper than ever before using Relationshp Coaching Technques.
Reconciliation is only ever possible if both parties want it and if the desire is sincere. The problem is that the issues that took the relationship to a breakdown need to be addressed and resolved before a reunion can be successful. Most couples that reunite find themselves in the same position as they were leading to a second and often final breakdown because they were driven back together by shared feelings that overwhelmed the negatives that mostly need to be dealt with as we find it far to easy to slide back into old patterns. Reconcilation Guidance requires both parties (separately) to be part of the process that resolves the deeper issues and then moves to creating a new and more solid foundation for the future.
Some issues in relationships are born from the past, In this instance the past healing must be addressed to improve how one relates to another. This doesn't require both parties to engage in sessions but the traumatized partner will be happier and bring that back into the relationship when they recognize and eliminate their own filters created by earlier life issues.
For communication development alone it is usually only one or two sessions required and can be very specific to situations that repeat and tend to escalate. If problems are varied and ongoing both parties can engage a series of sessions to create a strong foundation for growth going forward engaging the love and caring that may have taken a back seat over time. Effective communication can improve relationships all by itself and can be undertaken by one or both parties. One can create the change and may recognize when the other partner could do better as well. it come via communication coaching for one or both over time. Queries about how to respond to certain statements or lack of communication can go a long way to setting a relationhip to rights.
Sessions are 1 1/2 hours each and live in person or Live online (video or audio). (in person Mangonui New Zealand)
